They call the beginning of a relationship the “honeymoon phase,” but if you think about it, it’s really the “interview period.” When you’re on those first few dates, you’re both on your best behavior, in your best outfits, trying to see if this relationship is best for you. But if his best behavior when things are brand new is less than PERFECT, there’s no telling what is to come. Red flags always show up from the very beginning. Giving second chances or overlooking those flags it can only result in rude awakening when things get really rough.
Behavior in a relationship doesn’t usually get better. If you’ve seen the following behaviors from a new man in your life. it might be time to take a pass and just take your chances with other men who fully know what they are looking for.. He Brings Up His Ex…Again He might not be a bad guy, but if he has an ex he can’t get off of his mind? He’s still on the rebound and probably not ready for something new. Although rebounds in my opinion are a set of limitation people set on themselves to excuse lack of fully awareness, they can be dangerous due to uncertain bitter taste they leave behind. He Can’t Stop Talking About How Nice He Is Any man who repeatedly insists that he’s a “nice guy”, or 'real deal' he most likely isnt. Genuinely nice and real men do not feel the need to convince anyone of their traits. They show them through action. He’s Salty When You Don’t Sleep With Him The kind of man who thinks dinner and drinks are a down payment for sex is not one that you want to get to know better. In fact a number of them suggest just drinks as front up for first dates because it tends to be cheaper and is a form of attempting to use the person 'under the influence'. You’re Always Waiting for Him to Call Want to avoid one of those relationships where you’re waiting by the phone? Stop answering this guy’s calls. If you’re not on his mind regularly, he’s not worth your time. In today's technology when people cant let go of their phone from their hands, the easiest thing to do is to stay connected with the woman a man is pursuing. It is up to him to show you that he wants you to be major part of his life. Lack of calls or text messages is a sign of that he also lacks full interest in you. He’s Already Started Lying Whether you catch him in the act, or he’s told too many white lies, it’s a good idea to believe a man when he drops a hint that he shouldn’t be trusted. Trust is the most important ingredient in relationships. He Gets Too Drunk Accidentally overdoing it once because you’re nervous is understandable. But if you find yourself ending every date with a drunk person, he might be dropping a hint that he has a problem. Relationships with alcoholics are unstable and even brutal emotionally. He’s Bitter About his ex, about how he’s not treated well at his job, about everything under the sun. A man like this might have trouble taking responsibility for his actions and it won’t be long before he puts you on the list of people who’ve “wronged” him. There are conscious men out there who are capable of being responsible without blaming others for their own shortcomings. Not to mention that bitter men are a complete turn off even sexually. He Keeps You Waiting Unless his job keeps him very busy, a man who’s chronically late might be telling you that you don’t rate very high on his list of priorities. Serious man make plans in advance because they cant wait to see you. Being a priority in a man's life results in healthy happy growth of future. You Have Too Many Arguments About the Same Things We can all agree to disagree. But if he badgers you about why it’s dumb for you to be a vegetarian or to nice to others on your first few dates, it’s a bad sign. He is showing you that he rather argue with you for who you are than accept the differences. He Mostly Wants to Talk About Sex You’re trying to get to know him but he only wants to know what kind of position you like. It’s a clear sign that you’re interested in different things. Also it indicates that he is not interested in knowing you or vice versa but he is looking to have sex as soon as he can get his hands on it. He’s Rude To your friends, to the waitress, even in the way he talks about his ex. If he can’t even pretend to be nice, he’s really not. You will be the next person to have to deal with hes rudeness. Run! Ladies there are wonderful men out there who are more than willing to share life with you and keep the relationship healthy. Do not waste your time in men who cant impress you from the beginning.
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What a crazy time we are living in. A time fraught with so many emotions on a hair-trigger. A time of uncertainty where we often feel like we are standing in the middle of a mine field with no idea of the safe path out. Yet, we also stand on the threshold of an amazing opportunity. Believe it or not, there is a method to and a context for the madness. Humanity is on the verge of a huge leap in our consciousness and in our ability to actively create the reality we want to experience. The cracks are showing in the old illusion. From the US elections, to Brexit, to financial and governmental systems in collapse and scandal after scandal being revealed. They all represent the internal revolutions that are stirring in the hearts of many. The outer always mirrors the inner. We have been handed the keys to our experience and now we get to decide who and what is going to drive that experience. Is it us? Are we ready to claim our power? Or are we going to hand it over again? I know without question that we create our own reality. First on an individual level and then in turn on a collective one. The state from which we create brings us the outcome we experience. When we choose fear, anger, and division, those elements will be the fabric from which our experience is woven. We are beginning to see that a choice created from fear or anger only perpetuates more fear and anger. There will be many people calling for healing over the coming weeks. I understand the intention behind this call and on many levels I agree with it. However, to me healing implies that the previous state is more desirable than the current one. Like a broken arm. It was better when it was unbroken. Often times in life, there comes a point when we must accept that what is currently before us is beyond repair. This is one of those points. We don’t need just to be healed, because we are ready to be transformed. To transform ourselves first and in turn transform the world in which we live. Transformation says that it’s time to move beyond what we have known and build something new. Our political systems? Broken. Our financial systems? Broken. Our Education systems? Broken. Our justice, healthcare and social systems? Broken. Broken. Broken. Our relationships with each other and ourselves? Broken. We have been fed a steady diet of fear, division and separation. We are strung out on anxiety and over stimulated on manufactured panic. We have been convinced that the responsibility, the fault and the blame is to be placed “over there” in “their hands”. That it’s “those people” who are responsible. After the dust settles, we still all live on the same planet, in the same neighborhoods and cities. Divided by borders that don’t really exist except on some map that was drawn eons ago by someone you don’t even know. It’s time to nurse ourselves through recovery from the addiction to the drama. it’s time to unplug from the systems that were designed to keep us separate. The systems that thrive on pitting us against one another. It’s time to walk towards building a reality that gives us all a place at the table. So how do we do that? What we require for change is always present right here right now. All great accomplishments have a few things in common. They start small. They take dedication. They start now. So stop and take a breath. The buildup to this moment has been intense, so find compassion for yourself and allow yourself the emotional release you need. Turn off the TV, put your phone down and take a long walk. Or a hot bath. Call the people you love and who love you. Mend fences and offer olive branches. Cry it out, hug it out, scream it out. It’s been a long road up the mountain and you’re tired. You’re angry and scared. It’s ok. Just remember these feelings are temporary. Before you respond or hit “send” count to 10. Or 100. Keep breathing. Remember that ultimately fear is the illusion. A fear response is not evidence that there is actually something to fear. It is only a combination of chemical and physical responses created in reply to a script in your head. Begin to examine and observe that script. How can you begin to re-write it? Do your best to avoid terrorizing yourself with doomsday scenarios. Do your best to avoid seeking out information and stories and reports that tie you up in knots. Create. Paint, dance, draw, sing. Cry, laugh, scream and shout. Remind yourself that the people you loved yesterday are still the same people today. Remind yourself that the experiences which brought you joy are still available to you now. Find your center again. Keep breathing. Decide that your peace of mind, your equilibrium and your inner transformation must move to the top of your list. Decide that you’re going to let them stay there. Do something each day to honor that. Decide that before you take action and make choices, that you will allow yourself to do so from a balanced place. Choose compassion and truth. Even when they are difficult choices to make. Especially when they are difficult choices to make. Remember kindness. Claim responsibility and accountability for your life and for your actions. Remember the truth of who you are. The real truth. Not the truth you think others expect of you. Not the truth you’ve been sold. The truth that only you know. Allow that truth to call you forward. Do an exhaustive inventory of your beliefs and discard the ones that don’t ring true anymore. Begin to question yourself in every moment: What is real, right now? What is true, right now? Where is my joy, right now? Where is my clarity, right now? What is driving me emotionally, right now? Find ways to access and be in the present moment. Stay there. That’s all there ever is anyway. When you find yourself spinning out, realize it. Remember your truth, forgive yourself and keep breathing. Find your center again. Feel your way through situations at least as often as you think your way through them. Begin to redirect your queries from your head to your heart. Serve others in whatever way you can. Be brave and make choices that feel right in your heart even if on paper they seem insane. Trust yourself. Share when you can. Ask for help when you don’t have enough. Don’t deny your feelings. Feel them. Remember that you get to decide if they command you or not. Feel those feelings, let them grow and erupt. Let them subside and then take action. Feel those feelings and then ask yourself: How can I transform this? How can I help? How can I serve? Consider that maybe it’s not so much about What else can you do? But more How else can you be? Remember that you don’t have the constitutional right to never be offended. Remember that someone else doesn’t have to be wrong in order for you to be right. Remember that there are no guarantees that it will always be easy, convenient or comfortable. Remember that it starts now. Remember that it starts with you. If not now, when? If not you, who? Copyright © Andrew Martin. All Rights Reserved. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter or edit it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice link:http://www.thelightedones.com |
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