Should you really fight to keep your man? Some women believe you should, even if that means degrading yourself or settling for living with someone who has no respect for you and your feelings. I feel the opposite. I believe that we are all individuals with our own paths to face and follow. I have learned that fighting for a man to stay with you is never worth the effort put into it. It makes women look like fools and it makes us all seem dependent.
Instead of fighting for a man who does not want to be with you or one that does things to hurt you, why not just let him go? Where is the harm in letting go of all the hurt, humiliation, and stress that comes from being in a relationship with him? What right does he have to take away your dignity and turn you into a jealous crazed maniac? He doesn’t have that right, but you do have the right to move on.
There are many reasons why you shouldn’t bother fighting to keep your man. The most obvious one is that it is his choice to do what he wants. You and I might not agree with his choice and we may think that he is a schmuck for making that choice, but we can’t stop an adult from making a bad choice. Instead, let him make his bad choices. It is his loss, not yours.
He Will Just Do The Bad Thing Again
Are you fighting for your man, trying desperately to keep him away from other women? Why? You do know that if he is thinking of cheating on you or if he has cheated on you, he will more than likely do it to you again and again, right? So don’t delay the inevitable and just walk away from him and his drama schemes.
The same goes for guys that choose their buddies over their girlfriends. You can throw a fight and try and fight for your man’s attention, but he has clearly chosen his friends over you so why fight for a guy who is not worth the effort?
The first rule of thumb when dating is to never place another person’s wants over your personal needs. If he wants to go out and play all night, but you need a man that stays home with you, there is no fight to give. You aren’t meant for each other. Move on.
You Can’t Force Someone To Love You
Before you get yourself all worked up and angry, ask yourself what exactly you are fighting for? Are you fighting for his love and affection? That is something he has to give you willingly. You can’t force him to love you. You can’t convince him to love you, either.
Why would you even want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t freely love you? Are you afraid of change? Do you think he will find someone better than you?
Trying to force someone to stay with you and to love you is wrong on so many levels. You are limiting yourself to a person who is not in love with you and you are wasting everyone’s time with your childish, selfish behavior. Instead, let him go and work on your own personal growth. Stay out of relationships for awhile until you can find your own two feet. Work on your education, attend self help groups, and even pick up a new hobby or two. Do what is really best for you and accept that not every relationship lasts forever and ever.
You Will Lose Respect
At the beginning of the relationship, you were a strong, independent woman. You knew what you wanted and how to get it. You didn’t rely on others to reach your goals. A few months into a relationship, and that independent woman has faded into a jealous, angry woman who is full of insecurities. You always worry that he is cheating on you, but you haven’t found any proof of it. You bug your friends and family to spy on him. They are starting to think you have a serious problem and, inevitably, they will lose all respect they had for you when you were single and strong.
Finding yourself taking on the role of the insecure women can be disheartening, but there is a remedy. Stop fighting for your man’s affection and walk away from him. Some men have a natural ability to make women feel insecure. If you are in a relationship with one of these types, there is nothing to fight for. Let someone else have him.
It’s too late
Some relationships start off perfect and slowly begin to fall apart as the two people get to know each other a little better. We never show all our faults up front in a new relationship, but those faults do begin to bleed through the happy facade about 3 months in. When that happens, what was once a great relationship begins to crumble. Your heart aches and wants what the two of you had at the beginning, but you fail to remember that the early stuff wasn’t real. It was just fluff.
You can’t fight for what used to be and for what was just the early romance fluff that occurs in every new relationship. You simply cannot get that back. If after a few weeks or a few months, you find that the dream relationship is actually a nightmare, you have to let go. Don’t fight the obvious. Instead, know that there is someone else out there that is better for you.
It Wastes Valuable Time
When you feel that you are in a position where you have to fight to keep your man, take a time out first. Do you realize just how much time you are going to waste trying to keep him or get him back? It is going to be more than just a few hours or just a few days. In fact, you can just plan on spending the rest of your days with him in a constant battle. Neither one of you will be happy and neither of you will get any of your side projects finished. You can throw any long term goals right out the window.
Now imagine what you could accomplish if you just let him go. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions. If he wants to go, let him go. Now you have all of this new found free time. You can finally focus on your goals and your personal needs.
There Will Never Be Trust
If you have to constantly fight for someone’s love and affection, how can you ever trust that person? I mean, if he isn’t already giving you the love and faithfulness you want in a relationship, is fighting for those traits something you want to do for the rest of your life?
In a new relationship, trust grows. It is given and it is earned. When that trust is betrayed and you suddenly find yourself in an epic battle to keep your man by your side, how can you trust him to stay with you through life’s thick and thins?
When the trust is betrayed in a relationship, it is very difficult to ever truly get it back. It takes work by both people to rebuild trust, and even then there will always be that nagging doubt in the dark recesses of the mind. Why stick around after the trust is broken when you can start fresh and new with someone else?
He Is Not Your Soulmate
A soulmate is another person who you can trust completely. He loves you back just as hard as you love him. He is there for you, understands you, and would do anything in his power to make you feel good. A soulmate is a person you meet and within that first moment you feel like you have known him forever. He doesn’t need you to fight for his love and he certainly doesn’t need you to prove anything to him.
When you are in a relationship where you feel that you have to constantly fight for your man’s love, fight for his attention, and fight other people in defending him, you are not in a healthy relationship. You are in a personal hell that only you can break free of. Let go if you are miserable, knowing full well that your soulmate is out there and that you can find him.
He Will Start To Hate You
The relationship has been a total struggle right from the start. You insist that he do the things you want him to do and things that you feel are important in a relationship. He doesn’t feel the same way as you do, but he also doesn’t want to spend the next week fighting over it so he gives in to your wants. Over and over again this happens and slowly but surely he will secretly start to hate you.
You can’t mold a person into the perfect partner. He is either the one or he isn’t. If he is the one, then the two of you will both be able to work at building a wonderful relationship together. If he is not the perfect partner for you, you cannot shape him into your dream companion. People just don’t work that way and will hate the person who reminds them day after day that they are less than perfect.
You Will Never Win
Fighting for someone’s heart or faithfulness is a battle you will never win. Let’s say, for example, you are struggling to gain his attention over his job. He loves his job, feels passionate about it, and he devotes all of his time to his work. To me this sounds like a dream man, but many women become jealous if they are not the absolute center of a man’s attention. They will scream, fight, and try and change the man’s focus from work to girlfriend. It is not his passion and a relationship is second in importance in his grand scheme of things. What do you think will win out in the end? Certainly not the angry girlfriend.
If you are in a relationship where you are secondary and you want to be the first and only priority, your only options are to either get over yourself or walk away. Find a man with the same relationship values as yourself.
I am not afraid of exploring my failures, sexuality, random bullshit, wasted time, gained WISDOM, mistakes, adorable gestures…etc. That is how I was build. If you are seating there, pointing a finger at any of my life experiences, look at me in the
Life is this grandiose fountain of treasures that has no room for boredom. Most people fill their lives with anything to keep their mind away from their mind. I don’t. I like thinking. Sometimes, my own thoughts can be predictable or have tendencies to surf around the same topic. It’s not that I don’t let go, I do. But I need clarity and full excitement in life.
I keep struggling with this enormous hunger for profound ‘things’ that make my own existence challenging and bearable in the same time. While enjoying ‘do nothing’ type of days, that hunger strikes so very often and it takes charge. Parts of my being roars like there is no tomorrow while the other part reserves room for peaceful night of sleep.
I can’t settle for ordinary. I wasn’t born that way. I crave that absolute thrill that each encounter electrifies my soul. I am not the type of woman that thrives through preserving good memories in attempt to substitute for what is real. I don’t care if you, you, and you are judging me or throwing in your two cents. I care deeply for those who resonate with me. People whose world is not wrapped around their fallse facades are my team.
I am not afraid of exploring my failures, sexuality, random bullshit, wasted time, and gained wisdoms, mistakes, adorable gestures…etc. That is how I was build. If you are seating there, pointing a finger at any of my life experiences, look at me in the eye and make sure your ears are uncovered because I will say this once; FUCK YOU! Yep, you read that right!
I am not a people pleaser, nor do I care to be popular by your standards. Life been good and bad to me, yet I stand tall. I don’t settle for ordinary.
Ordinary conversations, ordinary lives, ordinary thought process, ordinary job, ordinary lifestyle, ordinary sex, ordinary love, ordinary gathering, ordinary bullshit….get that shit away from me.
Impress me! Fascinate me with your brilliant corners of your mind. Only then maybe, we can talk.
They call the beginning of a relationship the “honeymoon phase,” but if you think about it, it’s really the “interview period.” When you’re on those first few dates, you’re both on your best behavior, in your best outfits, trying to see if this relationship is best for you. But if his best behavior when things are brand new is less than PERFECT, there’s no telling what is to come. Red flags always show up from the very beginning. Giving second chances or overlooking those flags it can only result in rude awakening when things get really rough.
Behavior in a relationship doesn’t usually get better. If you’ve seen the following behaviors from a new man in your life. it might be time to take a pass and just take your chances with other men who fully know what they are looking for..
He Brings Up His Ex…Again
He might not be a bad guy, but if he has an ex he can’t get off of his mind? He’s still on the rebound and probably not ready for something new. Although rebounds in my opinion are a set of limitation people set on themselves to excuse lack of fully awareness, they can be dangerous due to uncertain bitter taste they leave behind.
He Can’t Stop Talking About How Nice He Is
Any man who repeatedly insists that he’s a “nice guy”, or 'real deal' he most likely isnt. Genuinely nice and real men do not feel the need to convince anyone of their traits. They show them through action.
He’s Salty When You Don’t Sleep With Him
The kind of man who thinks dinner and drinks are a down payment for sex is not one that you want to get to know better. In fact a number of them suggest just drinks as front up for first dates because it tends to be cheaper and is a form of attempting to use the person 'under the influence'.
You’re Always Waiting for Him to Call
Want to avoid one of those relationships where you’re waiting by the phone? Stop answering this guy’s calls. If you’re not on his mind regularly, he’s not worth your time. In today's technology when people cant let go of their phone from their hands, the easiest thing to do is to stay connected with the woman a man is pursuing. It is up to him to show you that he wants you to be major part of his life. Lack of calls or text messages is a sign of that he also lacks full interest in you.
He’s Already Started Lying
Whether you catch him in the act, or he’s told too many white lies, it’s a good idea to believe a man when he drops a hint that he shouldn’t be trusted. Trust is the most important ingredient in relationships.
He Gets Too Drunk
Accidentally overdoing it once because you’re nervous is understandable. But if you find yourself ending every date with a drunk person, he might be dropping a hint that he has a problem. Relationships with alcoholics are unstable and even brutal emotionally.
About his ex, about how he’s not treated well at his job, about everything under the sun. A man like this might have trouble taking responsibility for his actions and it won’t be long before he puts you on the list of people who’ve “wronged” him. There are conscious men out there who are capable of being responsible without blaming others for their own shortcomings. Not to mention that bitter men are a complete turn off even sexually.
He Keeps You Waiting
Unless his job keeps him very busy, a man who’s chronically late might be telling you that you don’t rate very high on his list of priorities. Serious man make plans in advance because they cant wait to see you. Being a priority in a man's life results in healthy happy growth of future.
You Have Too Many Arguments About the Same Things
We can all agree to disagree. But if he badgers you about why it’s dumb for you to be a vegetarian or to nice to others on your first few dates, it’s a bad sign. He is showing you that he rather argue with you for who you are than accept the differences.
He Mostly Wants to Talk About Sex
You’re trying to get to know him but he only wants to know what kind of position you like. It’s a clear sign that you’re interested in different things. Also it indicates that he is not interested in knowing you or vice versa but he is looking to have sex as soon as he can get his hands on it.
To your friends, to the waitress, even in the way he talks about his ex. If he can’t even pretend to be nice, he’s really not. You will be the next person to have to deal with hes rudeness. Run!
Ladies there are wonderful men out there who are more than willing to share life with you and keep the relationship healthy. Do not waste your time in men who cant impress you from the beginning.
What a crazy time we are living in.
A time fraught with so many emotions on a hair-trigger.
A time of uncertainty where we often feel like we are standing in the middle of a mine field with no idea of the safe path out.
Yet, we also stand on the threshold of an amazing opportunity.
Believe it or not, there is a method to and a context for the madness.
Humanity is on the verge of a huge leap in our consciousness and in our ability to actively create the reality we want to experience.
The cracks are showing in the old illusion.
From the US elections, to Brexit, to financial and governmental systems in collapse and scandal after scandal being revealed. They all represent the internal revolutions that are stirring in the hearts of many. The outer always mirrors the inner.
We have been handed the keys to our experience and now we get to decide who and what is going to drive that experience.
Is it us? Are we ready to claim our power?
Or are we going to hand it over again?
I know without question that we create our own reality. First on an individual level and then in turn on a collective one. The state from which we create brings us the outcome we experience.
When we choose fear, anger, and division, those elements will be the fabric from which our experience is woven.
We are beginning to see that a choice created from fear or anger only perpetuates more fear and anger.
There will be many people calling for healing over the coming weeks.
I understand the intention behind this call and on many levels I agree with it.
However, to me healing implies that the previous state is more desirable than the current one.
Like a broken arm.
It was better when it was unbroken.
Often times in life, there comes a point when we must accept that what is currently before us is beyond repair.
This is one of those points.
We don’t need just to be healed, because we are ready to be transformed.
To transform ourselves first and in turn transform the world in which we live.
Transformation says that it’s time to move beyond what we have known and build something new.
Our political systems? Broken.
Our financial systems? Broken.
Our Education systems? Broken.
Our justice, healthcare and social systems?
Our relationships with each other and ourselves?
We have been fed a steady diet of fear, division and separation.
We are strung out on anxiety and over stimulated on manufactured panic.
We have been convinced that the responsibility, the fault and the blame is to be placed “over there” in “their hands”. That it’s “those people” who are responsible.
After the dust settles, we still all live on the same planet, in the same neighborhoods and cities.
Divided by borders that don’t really exist except on some map that was drawn eons ago by someone you don’t even know.
It’s time to nurse ourselves through recovery from the addiction to the drama.
it’s time to unplug from the systems that were designed to keep us separate.
The systems that thrive on pitting us against one another.
It’s time to walk towards building a reality that gives us all a place at the table.
So how do we do that?
What we require for change is always present right here right now.
All great accomplishments have a few things in common.
They start small.
They take dedication.
They start now.
So stop and take a breath.
The buildup to this moment has been intense, so find compassion for yourself and allow yourself the emotional release you need.
Turn off the TV, put your phone down and take a long walk.
Or a hot bath.
Call the people you love and who love you.
Mend fences and offer olive branches.
Cry it out, hug it out, scream it out. It’s been a long road up the mountain and you’re tired.
You’re angry and scared.
Just remember these feelings are temporary.
Before you respond or hit “send” count to 10.
Remember that ultimately fear is the illusion. A fear response is not evidence that there is actually something to fear. It is only a combination of chemical and physical responses created in reply to a script in your head.
Begin to examine and observe that script. How can you begin to re-write it?
Do your best to avoid terrorizing yourself with doomsday scenarios.
Do your best to avoid seeking out information and stories and reports that tie you up in knots.
Paint, dance, draw, sing.
Cry, laugh, scream and shout.
Remind yourself that the people you loved yesterday are still the same people today.
Remind yourself that the experiences which brought you joy are still available to you now.
Find your center again.
Decide that your peace of mind, your equilibrium and your inner transformation must move to the top of your list.
Decide that you’re going to let them stay there.
Do something each day to honor that.
Decide that before you take action and make choices, that you will allow yourself to do so from a balanced place.
Choose compassion and truth. Even when they are difficult choices to make.
Especially when they are difficult choices to make.
Claim responsibility and accountability for your life and for your actions.
Remember the truth of who you are.
The real truth.
Not the truth you think others expect of you. Not the truth you’ve been sold.
The truth that only you know.
Allow that truth to call you forward.
Do an exhaustive inventory of your beliefs and discard the ones that don’t ring true anymore.
Begin to question yourself in every moment:
What is real, right now?
What is true, right now?
Where is my joy, right now?
Where is my clarity, right now?
What is driving me emotionally, right now?
Find ways to access and be in the present moment.
That’s all there ever is anyway.
When you find yourself spinning out, realize it.
Remember your truth, forgive yourself and keep breathing.
Find your center again.
Feel your way through situations at least as often as you think your way through them.
Begin to redirect your queries from your head to your heart.
Serve others in whatever way you can.
Be brave and make choices that feel right in your heart even if on paper they seem insane.
Share when you can.
Ask for help when you don’t have enough.
Don’t deny your feelings.
Feel them. Remember that you get to decide if they command you or not.
Feel those feelings, let them grow and erupt. Let them subside and then take action.
Feel those feelings and then ask yourself:
How can I transform this?
How can I help?
How can I serve?
Consider that maybe it’s not so much about What else can you do? But more How else can you be?
Remember that you don’t have the constitutional right to never be offended.
Remember that someone else doesn’t have to be wrong in order for you to be right.
Remember that there are no guarantees that it will always be easy, convenient or comfortable.
Remember that it starts now.
Remember that it starts with you.
If not now, when?
If not you, who?
Copyright © Andrew Martin. All Rights Reserved. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter or edit it in any way, the content remains complete and you include this copyright notice link:http://www.thelightedones.com
What an amazing and surprising effect he had on her. She had always thought she knew herself, spent enough time staring in the mirror, every part of her dissected time and again. She thought she knew what she wanted, and now fantasies that had been keeping her on her toes for years were all becoming reality. So this was what she wanted, this was the safety and peace of mind, the home she had sought all along. The gentle release, the cathartic experience she had been hoping for. Except that it seemed her head was filled with more doubts and questions than ever before. And no idea what the questions were, even. But somehow he was finding answers. And while she simply sat there, staring at herself, at him, it seemed she’d never really looked very closely, at herself. This person he’d drawn out was nothing like the person she remembered. This wasn’t a shadow of the woman she used to be. This was a bright, raw and pure being, stripped down to something she’d not seen before. Stripped to the person she had always been but couldn’t see in the mirror. “Look at you now,” she whispered, slightly breathless, and a little smile appeared on her lips as she waited for him to show her more.
She had been lost so long, a prisoner in an underwater cave. The place that she had buried herself in when the destruction rocked her world. Into a healing sleep that only an Immortal can render themselves. In her dream trance she saw new worlds rise & fall again. Victims of their own self indulgence & ignorance. Powerlessness swept through her & she willed herself to stay asleep. But then His voice reached her, pulling her slowly to awareness. She saw him hurtling through the depths, encased in chains. Unable to free himself & plunging deeper. She lent her Light to him. Through the deep, dim waters it traveled, Cracking the casings that held him. But his struggle had been so long he did not have the strength to rise. Willing herself to Awaken she opened herself to him.Swimming through the water & riding it's current, she harnessed to herself all its power, A great spinning whirlpool, with herself in the center, upward she climbed. When she reached him , the vortex pulled him to her arms. Wrapping herself around him , as he stared into her eyes. She willed the vortex to propel them to the surface, in one magnificent wave. And breaking into the air at last, they both drew in deep breaths. .It didn't matter who had rescued whom. For there in one another's embrace, they were home at last.
Soo often I’ve been shamed for being fearless.
Yes I am a woman and yes I AM FEARLESS and it would deeply concern me if you were not given the current state of this world.
The power of being fearless is immense and I have personally chosen to partner with it as an ally, my bravery has incredible trans formative power and I am not afraid to wield it through my words or through my birth.
There has been a strategic attack on our wild selves, on our feminine strength so much so that we have no role models. Only women in white gowns, only tales of witches being burnt alive, only google images of pretty women with make up on when you search for angry women, warrior women, wild women.
The World is in desperate need of Fearless Women.
Women whose courage is so strong it cannot be contained any longer.
Women who refuse to hold their tongues, tied politely in their tidy mouths.
Women who are ready to march together, thighs spread wide, breasts forward & chins held high.
Chanting guttural war cries from the depths of their beast selves,
Spit flying off jowls like wild creatures.
Eyes shining with the force of ferociousness.
Women who are ready to put it all on the line
and roar “ENOUGH”
No more suffering will be done in my name
No more children will die because of my lack of understanding
No more wars will be fought on my soil
No more death will be borne through my womb
NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE!
The World is in desperate need of Fearless Women
Women who have married themselves to Truth
Women who aren't afraid to Speak Up
Women that are in a committed relationship with consciousness
Women who are on their hands and knees doing the work to scrub away their conditioning.
The fearless woman has been medicated, sedated, incarcerated,
She has been suppressed, digressed, told she was messed up, stressed out,
Causing a fuss, making a scene, hurting others precious “feelings”
She has been made to feel that her power is irrational, it is questionable, it is unsociable and unstable behaviour.
Because a woman's power is the most threatening force this planet will ever behold.
It builds up like magma until the volcanic eruption drowns everything in its wake, she will burn you alive, she will rip out the roots of this cancerous society with her bare hands, she will crack open this earth with the pounding of her heart, tear down corporations with the force of her exhale, she will leave no one unscathed.
Her power is limitless and our humanly vessels are rippling at the seams to let her out
The strength of her power deeply disturbs our domesticated selves, we shh her and shame her and shove her back into the cobwebbed attics of our minds.
Her power must be directed by consciousness otherwise it is merely a dangerous destructive force without following any constructive course, it will destroy her by dis-ease, by mental decline, it will seep out and hurt those closest to her, it will destroy life as well as death.
Her anger, her frustration, her bitterness, must be channeled forth by her creative consciousness and unleashed into the world with intention but still with its raw brute force.
We will be the ones to see her unleashed.
She Has Come